We all make mistakes. We all type an email in a rush and hit send and…maybe should have taken a second or third look at the thing. Most of the time, the typos and errors are pretty minor.
A recent email from an organization mentioned a staffer who had been “dong marketing and special events” before moving on to — presumably — a more, uh, conventional position (oi, sorry about that).
DONG MARKETING. And special events!
I HAVE QUESTIONS.
Like, who knew dongs even needed to be marketed? Don’t they just market themselves, as needed? Well, honestly, and as NOT needed, right? Anthony Wiener’s wiener, sent worldwide back in the day, in case you need an example of completely unnecessary dong marketing.
And if they DO need marketing, how would one go about it? There are some advertising rules, so I guess you would have to be subtle, like those dumb Cialis ads. I mean, you can’t just slap a color photograph up there with “AVAILABLE NOW, REASONABLE RATES” in 36 pt Helvetica, at least not in the usual advertising markets. However, it seems “dong” is not on any FCC lists of forbidden words, so you could actually use that in something like “For all your in-home dong needs, call 1-800-WE-DONG and order yours today!”
Which prompts the question — are these independent dongs, or are they still…ah…attached? If they are independent dongs, one presumes they are synthetic? I guess? But then they would be dildos, I suppose. If the dong is still attached, then you gotta market all the baggage that comes (and, SORRY AGAIN but the entire topic is RIFE with innuendo…) with THAT. “In-home dong delivery by Henry, who has some issues but the dong is perfectly functional…” Lord, we’ve all been there already, haven’t we?
Are the special events related to the dong marketing? And just what exactly would that entail? Is it like a police line-up? An in-home show, like candles or kitchen gadgets? An in-home show with candles, kitchen gadgets and dongs? That sounds a little dicey (shit. sorry?). Wait a minute. I think there are in-home shows for dong marketing already, those male revue deals, right? Hmmm.
I ended up googling “dong” … and, the results are somewhat alarmingly innocuous. Mostly definitions, and most of those start off with the Vietnamese currency and then try to jump to the musical sound before diving into the gutter with “vulgar slang: penis” and I am sorry but my brain went right to the slang — and don’t try to tell me that’s not where your brain went either. We both know better.