Rally to local womenfolk: Your uterus is a ‘screwy lightbulb’ that hates religious freedom and will eventually destroy America. Like we’ve never heard that one before.

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The nationwide battle to keep ladies of childbearing age constantly pregnant and childbearin’ preserve religious liberty was fought on a local front Friday at that popular gathering place for the cray cray, otherwise known as the Howell Courthouse lawn. And who, pray tell, was there to cover this monumental event? Nobody, that’s who — not even yours truly, because nobody ever invites me to these things.

Logic: Scarier than Unplanned Pregnancy

A status message on the group’s informatively-titled  Facebook page “Stop HHS Mandate Rally” was bitterly liked by three people, who collectively agreed that yes, it was the “logical dialog” of the rally that was scaring off the press, or — and I’m just throwing this one out there for funsies — perhaps some wider liberul media conspiracy? Yep, that’ was probably it.

So, birth control — I mean, who even needs it, right? Where my ladies at on this one? (Holla!) It’s like, I don’t know about you, sister, but when I’m in the mood for some sexin’, what I find adds a real element of excitement is to just have the no-birth-control sex and then just sit back for a moment and wonder to myself where those all those biologically determined little sperm will end up in my uterus. Will they just swim off and die all willy-nilly? Will they find true love with one of my unsuspecting eggs just makin’ her way all casual-like down the fallopian tubes, not suspecting a thing? Will I get pregnant or won’t I? It’s like a big guessing game, only in your uterus! So spread the word, ladies — we gotta help move the “logical dialog” along a bit because this is an idea that is just scaring people off a little with all the logic — and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why. Why does Barack Hussein NObama Care hate fun uterus games, and logic, and freedom even?

Did the rally get its point across, despite one teensy little blurb on WHMI? You decide.

First, they came for the lightbulbs.

Here is Very Important Person Without A Uterus Thomas Loewe comparing Uterus Owning People to “screwy lightbulbs”  to make the point through artistic metaphor that, basically, birth control is “morally reprehensible” and that if you are one of those millions upon millions of  single and/or married women who happen to like birth control, even though Jesus hates it, or use it strictly for medical purposes, you can just buy your whore pills with your stinky whore cash and forget about what may or may not have been part of your employment agreement regarding your health insurance plan when you became all independent and got a Jay Oh Bee. I’m not sure what a lightbulb has to do with any of that other than the fact that the government likes to mess with lightbulbs almost about as much as it likes to mess with ladyparts. But clearly I am mixing my metaphors here, because to Loewe, the lightbulb represents oppression and the uterus isn’t really represented by anything because apparently that’s the thing that is supposed to “sit down and shutup” here in this metaphor of religious freedom. Ok ladies??

Again, I cannot think of even one reason why more people are just not on board with this — especially more of the wommenz. WAKE UP LADIES! Here is a man, and he is speaking to us loudly and authoritatively — why are we not even listening to this Non-Uterus Owning Person, as history and religion tells us we ought? Know your place!

If we are not careful, the uterus’s will eventually steal everyone’s freedom, and it will have even killed free enterprise. And then how will you feel for having the nerve to own one, and then using it to use it to destroy America by asserting your right to equal healthcare access and the ability to control when or if you will have babies? Because if there’s anything that those 2,000 years of church teaching that Loewe talks about in his speech teaches us, it’s that a woman in the position of autonomy is a dangerous weapon indeed.




About Sally Subterfuge 15 Articles
Sally Subterfuge is a low-down, surly satirist and Sandernista and one-time news reporter who leans left in the reddest county in Michigan. She is still waiting on her George Soros money. Yo, send me a Tweet: https://twitter.com/SubterfugeSally