Dear Commissioner Nakagiri,
We don’t know each other, but after last night’s Livingston County Board of Commissioners meeting, I am your biggest fan; as such, I want to thank you for taking away insurance coverage for elective abortion for Livingston County’s non-union employees.
It’s about time us taxpayers get a bigger say in how our tax dollars are spent, and I would like you to next eliminate insurance coverage for vaccinations for the children of non-union county employees because I am vehemently opposed to them. I hear they are loaded with mercury and cause more problems than they prevent — it’s all over the internet, so it must be true. Get rid of vaccination coverage, and I’ll bet you get even more crazy happy fans like me.
And, puh-lease, while we’re talking about vaccines, don’t get me started on the one against HPV — you do know it’s so people don’t get cancer because they have sex, right? If people are going to have sex, they need to take responsibility for whatever happens.
Speaking of sex, I feel we agree that people should have a lot less of it, so I suggest you work on a resolution to remove taxpayer-funded insurance coverage for vasectomies and erectile dysfunction medication.
I love this clear-cut precedent you’ve set about spending tax dollars on only those things that everyone (or, basically me) is in favor of. I know you’ll jump right away on my ideas and work as hard to take away funding from them as you were about taking it away from women who are exercising their rights under the law (because it’s not MY law). Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Also, I am terribly allergic to cats, and, to be quite honest, because of that — in addition to my hunch that they are sneaky little devils waiting for the right moment to pounce on me and suck my breath away — I don’t think any of my tax bucks should support them at the animal shelter.
Dogs, on the other hand, deserve way, way more spending. They give unconditional love. And D-O-G spelled backward is, well, spell it backward and you’ll see. It’s a win-win.
I am impressed with your ability to stir controversy. It’s about time the Livingston County Board of Commissioners joined the national political scene and became more newsworthy. What’s the point of doing stuff if everyone in the world doesn’t know about it, and others don’t get upset about it?
For all the years I worked at the local paper, there were never any controversies about the county commissioners that I can recall. Jack LaBelle — the longest-serving county commissioner in Michigan history, who spent 44 years on the board and 12 as its chairperson — would NEVER do something like you did.
Jack would always say he was all about doing the work and looking at the big picture, and that was enough for him.
I don’t know if you knew Jack, but at his core, he was really, really boring. If you told him that, he’d laugh and say he was just doing his job. He hated having the commissioners in the news. And social media? Can you see me rolling my eyes? Jack, I am quite sure, would absolutely hate Facebook and Twitter and all the other platforms, and where’s the fun in that?
I am sure if Jack were still alive he’d say that he was proud of the time he spent advocating for the Latson Road Interchange, proud of the buildings that were constructed during his time on the board, and really, really proud of the 9-1-1 system he helped build, and I know he’d say that was the best way the county commissioners saved lives.
Ah, Jack LaBelle. So old school. He’d not fare well these days, eh, Wes? How can one fight the culture wars without making a splash on social media and taking away stuff from the least among us.
I am glad you get it, Wes. Thank you for taking something away from non-union county employees. You were brilliant to start with the employees who earn the least, have little to no clout, and have no union to fight back for them. I just hope these employees didn’t hear that organizer from AFSCME at the meeting last night who offered them her help. (Is this why you don’t broadcast your meetings any more? If so, you’re doubly brilliant.)
If you have any questions, or want more suggestions about how you can stop spending the county’s tax dollars, I am always available.
Go, Wes, go!