We’re living in a pretty stressful time right now, but if you need a laugh, you need to see this.
Mike Detmer – the used-car salesman from Howell who finished second in the 8th Congressional District Republican primary this year – announced earlier this week that he’s going to run for office again in 2022. He just doesn’t know which office.
He said he is currently mulling over these options:
- He might run against Democratic Gov. Gretchen Whitmer.
- He might run against U.S. Rep. Elissa Slotkin, D-Holly.
- Or he might run against State Sen. Lana Theis, R-Brighton.
His chances of winning any one of those races are roughly the same as my chances of winning the Masters next year.
But no matter! Detmer says the public has been begging him to take on one of those three women – two Democrats and one Republican – so that he might save this great state.
In his comedic press release, he said there has been “resounding public support and requests for not only another U.S. House run, but a gubernatorial run instead. It has also been requested that I look at a state senate run that would challenge incumbent Republican Sen. Lana Theis,”
You, Mike! You alone can save us! Please, oh mighty Patriot! Save us!
Well, as if that delusional press release wasn’t enough, he followed it up with a hype video that is – unintentionally, of course – one of the funniest political videos I’ve ever seen.
OK, if you don’t want to watch the whole thing, let me summarize it for you. With some VERY dramatic music playing in the background, it has demonic pictures of all of Mike Detmer’s political enemies – Democrats like Gretchen Whitmer, Elissa Slotkin, Nancy Pelosi and Dana Nessel, and Republicans like Lee Chatfield and Mike Shirkey.
Then it shows a solitary figure walking down a hallway, with a Christ-like glow lighting him up. The graphics tell us that to save us all, “A warrior has arrived.”
You will never in a million, billion years guess who this “warrior” is.
That’s right! MIKE DETMER!
It is, as I said, the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long, long time. This guy is the most self-important, ridiculously pompous person I believe I’ve ever seen. He truly thinks he’s the Messiah, and I hate to break it to him, but he’s not.
Which is why his video is so hilarious. Oh, and in case you didn’t get the point, he titles the video “The Reckoning.”
Now, in case you haven’t been paying attention to local politics over the past year or so, you might be wondering, “Who the hell is Mike Detmer?”
Until recently, I was asking myself that same question. I’ve been around Livingston County a long time, but until last year, I’d never heard of him.
Detmer burst onto the scene last year when he announced that he was going to run for term-limited Rep. Hank Vaupel’s State House seat. And then he changed his mind and decided to run for U.S. Congress instead. He ended up being part of a four-way Republican primary, with the winner getting to challenge Slotkin. (Spoiler alert: The winner was not Detmer.)
And then, just as the pandemic was kicking into gear, this guy that nobody had ever heard of decided to make news any which way he could. Among his masterstrokes, he:
- Cozied up to the Proud Boys by taking a mask-less picture with some of them in April.
- Made enemies with most of the power brokers in the Livingston County Republican Party, including chairperson Meghan Reckling and County Commissioner Wes Nakagiri.
- Blamed his personal bankruptcy on Barack Obama.
- Threatened to sue me because I called his campaign a “train wreck.”
- Lost the GOP primary to Paul Junge, refused to concede, and then spent the fall trying to undermine Junge at every turn.
To his credit, Detmer did carry Livingston County in the primary, but only got about 12,000 votes in a county with 160,000 registered voters.
Now, I’m sure that Gretchen Whitmer, Elissa Slotkin and Lana Theis are all quaking in their boots, afraid that Michael of Nazareth will be challenging them in 2022. If so, I’m here to calm those fears.
Again, I’ll be wearing a green jacket at Augusta before he defeats one of those three.