Dear Gov. Kristi Noem,
Go, Kristi! Timing is EVERYTHING, and the Livingston County Republican Party can’t thank you enough, but we will try — so THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for writing about how you murdered your family’s puppy and goat in your book, which is set for release this month. The world can’t get enough of how you led first your puppy and then your goat into a gravel pit to blow their brains out because the puppy pissed you off and the goat smelled, well, like a goat (“disgusting, musky, rancid” is how you described it).
You single-handedly stole the spotlight away from the goings-on of the Livingston County GOP. Like we said earlier, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You are our queen! QUEEN KRISTI!
To thank you, we offer you the headliner’s spot at our annual Lincoln Day Dinner on May 23. We had Vivek Ramaswamy lined up as our big speaker, but since you have done so much for us, we are willing to bump him off the program for you.
You know, Queen Kristi, if you accept our offer, it’s all anyone will talk about, and they’ll forget about this cray-cray-crazy state House primary race we are suffering through, one that’s got our faithful Republican party members taking sides as the candidates go after each other.
This primary race for the 50th state House seat has it all: hurt feelings; angry candidates; too many endorsements; and wild accusations flying back and forth about who did what and when, and who lives where and how in the race for the 50th state House seat. The seat is currently held by Bob Bezotte, a former sheriff and county commissioner, who announced earlier this year that he wasn’t running for re-election. And who could blame him? Stuck in the middle of a messy divorce, he announced his retirement from public service in January.
Not only did he announce his retirement, but Bezotte endorsed Jason Woolford, who had run unsuccessfully for the 48th state House District in 2022, losing to a Democrat. Woolford said Bezotte asked him to run for his seat, even though Woolford didn’t live in the district. Since Woolford really, really wants to be a state rep, he rolled the dice, sold his house in the 48th District and rented a place in the 50th District so he could run for Bezotte’s seat, which he said he did because Bezotte had first wooed him to run and then pledged his full support.
But somewhere along the way, Bezotte ALSO endorsed Kristina Lyke, another unsuccessful political candidate. We know, we know, it’s just weird for someone to endorse two people in the same race, but in a Facebook post on April 19, Lyke said she, too, had received the nod from Bezotte. Her husband, Dan Wholihan, chair of Michigan’s 7th District GOP, commented that he was listening in on the endorsement call with Bezotte, and that it happened in February.
Then, on April 22, the day before the filing deadline, Bezotte announced he changed his mind and was running for re-election after all. Then he took back his endorsement of Woolford and Lyke, and told them to quit saying they had his backing.
As you can imagine, Queen Kristi, all political hell broke loose. We now have three of our four Republican primary candidates squabbling Jerry-Springer style. (The fourth candidate in the Republican primary is Dominic Restuccia, and he’s the only one not caught up in the craziness.)
People could (and should) be talking about the disarray our party is in this election season, but, truly, Queen Kristi, all anyone can talk about these days is you.
Please let us know ASAP if you’ll be available for our Lincoln Day Dinner.
With all due respect,
The Livingston County Republican Party
P.S. We are planning a big meal, so let us know if you’ll need a doggie bag.
