The Livingston Post deserves credit for publishing an Election Pool to test residents’ knowledge of the political scene here. Even so, its scope is a bit lacking and, as a public service, I’ve devised the following multiple-choice quiz. I can confidently say this is the most comprehensive look at the Livingston County political scene and beyond published in the last five minutes.
Where does Mike Rogers live?
a. In a Genoa Township condo owned by his brother
b. In a trailer on uninhabitable property in Oakland County
c. In his $1.7 million Florida home
d. In Donald Trump’s hip pocket
Who has the biggest penis?
a. Arnold Palmer
b. Donald Trump
c. Donald Trump’s imagination
d. Ann Coulter
What Nobel Peace Prize winner was responsible for the most civilian deaths?
a. Henry Kissinger
b. Barack Obama
c. Jimmy Carter
d. Pol Pot
Who has expressed the most interest in looking at naked women in locker rooms or bathrooms?
a. Donald Trump
b. Mike Rogers
c. Mike Huckabee
d. Any number of church officials in Livingston and Washtenaw counties
Who most doesn’t like Ted Cruz?
a. Most Texans
b. Most members of Congress
c. Most Americans
d. Ted Cruz
Which future president was widely thought to have extramarital sex while his wife was pregnant?
a. Donald Trump
b. John F. Kennedy
c. Bill Clinton
d. James Buchanan
What is the biggest challenge facing Livingston County Democrats?
a. Convincing voters that they are not a third-party spoiler
b. Convincing county residents that low taxes are a bad thing
c. Convincing themselves that this time the county really is turning purple
d. Convincing Nick Fiani that they have a right to live here
What did the Brighton City Council just do to address the downtown parking issues?
a. They authorized the construction of a 5-story parking deck
b. They authorized the paving over of the Mill Pond to become a combination ice-skating rink, basketball court, and parking lot
c. They authorized a plan for city staff to work from home so that city hall can be razed and replaced with parking spaces
d. They authorized the removal of seven parking spaces on Main Street (Hint: This is the correct answer)
Which of the following have been proposed by the Livingston County Board of Commissioners?
a. In order to vote, Livingston County women will need a permission slip signed by their husbands
b. The county has offered to be a Beta site for the country’s first government based on the Hunger Games
c. Deeming it a socialist sport, they will ban soccer in the county
d. They appointed a three-man subcommittee of Wes Nakagiri, Jay Drick, and Nick Fiani to do a feasibility study on forming a county eugenics department
What is the clearest evidence that the Apocalypse is upon us?
a. Evangelical Christians have thrown their unconditional support behind a philandering felon who doubles as the Antichrist
b. The oceans are getting warmer, icebergs are melting, and weather catastrophes are everyday occurrences
c. The Middle East is at the precipice of a calamitous war
d. The Detroit Lions are going to the Super Bowl
