Ugly Naked Guy, I can’t quit you. You’re the gift that keeps on giving.
Since he first arrived on the banks of the Mill Pond in 2006, I’ve been writing about the Ugly Naked Guy – first as an editor and columnist for the Livingston County Daily Press & Argus and then as a blogger for The Livingston Post. I’ve written roughly 4.5 billion columns about the Ugly Naked Guy and now, dammit, I need to write one more.
Why? Because the City of Brighton has all of a sudden decided that the Ugly Naked Guy is not actually a statue of an ugly naked guy. It’s actually … a Korean War memorial.
ARE YOU FLIPPING KIDDING ME?
In any case, I couldn’t let this bit of ridiculousness go by without making fun of everyone and everything involved, so here we go.
The Ugly Naked Guy, of course, is – yes – the statue of an ugly naked guy that’s been standing guard over the Mill Pond for the past 17 years. Its official name is Decision Pending and he was sculpted by the late Jay Holland, a somewhat legendary figure in Detroit art circles.
He came to Brighton in 2006 and immediately became the most controversial thing in town until the Lee Road roundabouts showed up a few months later. Everyone in Brighton started writing angry letters to the editor about the statue the minute he arrived, while I began writing columns making fun of him.
I first called him the Ugly Naked Guy in a column on June 11, 2006 – I stole the name from “Friends” – and it stuck. There’s a Wikipedia page about Decision Pending that mentions his official nickname is the Ugly Naked Guy and it credits me for coming up with it, and that is the proudest accomplishment of my life.
It even trumps the time that I won two major awards for writing a column about a guy who farted at a Hamburg Township Board meeting.
But I digress. We aren’t here to talk about farts. We’re here to talk about the Ugly Naked Guy.
So anyway, he came here in 2006 and he never left. The city decided to spend $15,000 in taxpayer money to buy him so that he could stay here permanently, and I wrote more columns making fun of that. Then there was a big battle about whether he should be moved because he was right next to the Veterans Memorial and some people thought that was disrespectful, and I wrote more columns about that.
If you want to read the whole sordid history of the Ugly Naked Guy, you’ll find it here.
In any case, through the years, we all came to just accept the Ugly Naked Guy as part of the fabric of Brighton. People put jerseys on him to celebrate sports championships, they put a Santa hat on him every Christmas, they put a mask on him when the pandemic broke out and so on. We all just came to accept him.
Or so I thought.
Earlier this year, when they tore up Main Street in Brighton for a major streetscape project, they had to remove the UNG and move him to an undisclosed secret location while the work was being done.
A couple weeks ago, as the work was finishing up, it was time to put him back. The city had to decide, though, if they were going to put him back in his usual spot or put him someplace else.
A group called the Brighton Arts & Culture Commission was tasked with making a recommendation as to where he should go. They apparently had some spirited discussions about it, but in the the end, they voted 3-2 that he should go back in front of the Mill Pond.
Last Thursday, the BACC’s recommendation went to the Brighton City Council, which had the final say on the matter. And this is the part of the story where we learn that the Ugly Naked Guy – the statue that we’ve been decorating and arguing about and making fun of for the past 17 years – is actually a very somber and serious Korean War memorial.
Yes. According to this story in the Press & Argus, as the council was discussing the issue on Thursday night, somebody pointed out that Jay Holland, who was a Korean War veteran, sculpted Decision Pending to “depict his experience returning from the Korean War.”
Quoting from the story:
“It stands for the resilience our city has stood for,” Brighton City Councilmember Susan Gardner told The Daily.
Councilmember and Mayor Pro Tem Jim Bohn said dressing the statue could be considered disrespectful.
“It struck me this evening, one could consider this a pretty serious piece of art,” he said. “Are we sometimes disrespecting the art and the artist with how we treat that sculpture with people decorating it?”
Councilmember Jon Emaus said the piece “speaks to PTSD” and veterans.
YOU HEAR THAT, EVERYBODY? YOU HEAR THAT? YOU HEAR THAT, SMART-ASS BUDDY MOOREHOUSE? THIS ISN’T AN UGLY NAKED GUY! IT’S A KOREAN WAR MEMORIAL! YOU FEEL BAD NOW, DON’T YOU?
See, there’s only one thing wrong with this whole story about Decision Pending being some sort of Korean War memorial.
It isn’t true.
It’s not. I’ve read every story the newspaper ever wrote about Decision Pending, from the minute he showed up in 2006, and not one story ever says anything about this being Jay Holland’s depiction of his experiences coming home from the war.
I read his obituary in the Detroit Free Press from 2016, which talks about Decision Pending being his most famous statue ever, and not one word about it being a Korean War statue.
And then I found this very detailed biography of Jay Holland that was written in 2016 and talks about all of his works in detail – including Decision Pending.
It talks about how he sculpted Decision Pending in 1983 and says the subject is, “as its title implies, beset with indecision.”
But not one word about this being a Korean War memorial. Not one word anywhere ever from Jay Holland or anyone close to Jay Holland that Decision Pending is meant to “depict his experience returning from the Korean War.”
So, it’s not true. All that stuff they said at the Brighton City Council meeting was not true. The question is, how did this happen? Well, it’s one of two things:
1. This was an honest mistake. They innocently conflated the fact that he was a Korean War veteran with the fact that he intended the statue to be someone showing resolve, and they came to the conclusion that it was a statue of a Korean War veteran showing resolve.
Or …
2. They want us all to feel bad for making fun of him for all these years.
I tend to believe that No. 2 is correct, but I hope that No. 1 is correct. But come on. “One could consider this a pretty serious piece of art?” It “speaks to PTSD”?
Please.
It’s a statue of an ugly naked guy. It’s not the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
So despite what the Mayor Pro Tem might think, it’s not “disrespectful” to put a Brighton football jersey or a pair of sunglasses on him. You shouldn’t feel bad for making fun of him. You shouldn’t feel bad for calling him the Ugly Naked Guy.
Now, if someone can show me something in writing where Jay Holland said this WAS a statue depicting his Korean War experience, I will grovel at your feet and stand corrected.
Until then, though … Ugly Naked Guy, welcome home.
Buddy Moorehouse’s latest book, which includes a chapter on the Ugly Naked Guy, is called “A Taco Bell for Howell and Other Livingston County Crusades.” It’s available for order here.
