Triathlon Chronicles: The Return of Darth
So…I’ve been taking a break from the gym, since it’s summer and all…been doing my swimming, running and biking outside. But reality is a bitch, and the reality is that my running needs some massive improvement. And not just for triathlon. Noooo, I was dumb enough to make a wager with Hamburg Township Supervisor Mr. Pat Hohl on a “fun run” on September 29th, in honor of National Be Stupid On A Trail Day. Or something. A 6K! That’s 3.72823 miles! Loser buys dinner! And we can’t have that.
And even though Supervisor Hohl generously offered to spot me 2 minutes, I knew I needed help. Who do you turn to? Darth Vader, Trainer From The Dark Side, that’s who. Darth is already delighted with me, since I have completed two mini-triathlons this summer and clearly do not have the intelligence to resist the Evil Temptation of Recreational World Domination. She was rubbing her hands together and cackling when I showed up at the gym and reluctantly admitted I needed help with running.
Bright pink post-it note in hand, she led me to the treadmill, got out the light saber, and proceeded to beat me to a pulp. My protests that I wouldn’t be running faster if I couldn’t even walk out of the gym fell on deaf ears. The routine? Half-mile warm-up, 1/4 mile strides (longer stride at faster pace), 1/4 faster pace, 1/4 “catch your breath” at the warm-up pace, then 1/4 mile fast pace again. AND THEN, 25 squats, a minute of fast feet and a minute of skips. Rinse and repeat two more times.
“And in two or three weeks, when you are doing that 4-5 times in a row, find me and we’ll work on the next part,” she cheerily offered. I tried to use the Force and dump her in a swamp somewhere, but epic fail this effort was.
I am considering the advantages of a “comfort height” (handicap-accessible) toilet – that additional two inches in height sounds pretty good to my aching quads right now. My family is laughing as I groan every time I stand up or sit down – and the Force isn’t working very well on them either.