Let’s all feel resentful for a minute as we are forced to agree with cranky old L. Brooks Patterson; Livingston ladies enlighten social media with their views on black people

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This world — what is it coming to I ask you? Nowadays, you can’t even shovel $80,000 worth of special interest money at a politician’s spouse without everyone — including Oakland County Executive L. Brooks Patterson — getting their undies in a cynical bunch over it.

Republican State Rep. Lana Theis of Brighton Township is only trying to lower your auto insurance rates as the chair of the House Insurance Committee, but people like Patterson just will not shut-up over this 80 grand that was given to Lana’s hubby bear Sam Theis. It’s only 80 grand, people! If someone gave your spouse $80,000 — lets just say this random “someone” was a major auto insurance lobby called the Michigan Insurance Coalition, and lets just say that you might soon become chair of the House Insurance Commission (just for randomness sake) — would you even care? Would you even bat an eyelash? Of course you wouldn’t! You would just go about your day like nothing happened, and not expect any sort of benefit that comes from having an extra $80,000 in your spouse’s pocket to blow back on you in the form of some perk. Especially if you are a Lansing politician, the purest specimen of human benevolence to be sure!

That is what marriage is about: Mr. T gets his $80,000 from auto insurance lobbyists for his “leadership” PAC or “administrative funds” or whatever his lawyer tells him to say about it, and you get to be chairperson of the House Insurance Commission drafting auto insurance policy in a powerful sphere of influence just a few months later — it’s like those ‘His’ and ‘Hers’ monogrammed towels you got as a wedding shower gift, similar but totally separate! And instead of towels we are talking about money and politics and things that drastically affect every day people’s lives on a daily basis.

Patterson, who is familiar with what it’s like to be in a dangerous car accident — and is also not entirely unaccustomed to the occasional mutual scratching of his old hairy man back by rich campaign contributors — says Thies’s proposal to end the no-fault insurance requirement in order to lower monthly premiums is literal robbery and “reeks of conflict of interest.”

“This is the greatest robbery since the Great Train Robbery in 1855,” Patterson said Tuesday. “And behind the curtain today will be smiling conductors on the train: the auto insurance providers.”

We guess we will have to take his word for it onnacouna the fact that most of us have no idea what it’s like to just have groups of powerful people representing wealthy corporate interests wanting to throw money at us all the time, and also we’ve probably never been involved in a train robbery either.

Right now, Michigan is the only state that offers unlimited lifetime medical coverage for any person seriously injured in a car accident, regardless of who was being the bigger asshole behind the wheel. Theis has shrugged off a bi-partisan plan to lower rates and instead wants to replace current policy with a more “flexible” system that she says will give motorists the “freedom” to choose an option that meets their needs.

Her proposal allows the purchase of optional coverage as low as $250,000, which these days would buy you maaaaaaaaybe a week or two of inpatient care over the course of a lifetime of required post-accident therapy, but, hey — maybe having to second-mortgage your house to pay for a steady stream of never-ending medical bills that will have you spinning like a hamster on a wheel for the rest of your permanently disabled life better fits the needs of your family and brings you closer to that freedom you crave. It’s really a win-win: your monthly premium is lowered, auto insurance companies get a bump in profits by telling you the GTFO with your injured ass once you hit your $250,000 mark a week or two after your accident, and Lana Theis gets a pat on the back for her service to corporate interests.

Citizens who exercise their right to protest are degenerate country haters who should be fired, but real Freedom means being able to say “N****r” and keep your job being around little kids

Here’s a fun historical fact about racism: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wrote “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” (while he was literally jailed for the crime of exercising his constitutional rights) to white people — particularly white pastors — who thought his views were correct, but perhaps he  he should slow his roll a bit in the fight against institutionalized segregation and violence against black people. This is of course a completely reasonable take when it’s not your kid in the line of fire. Surely there’s time for all that later, perhaps when white people spontaneously get woke after 200 years of racism and realize that’s human blood in your veins and decide to grant you equal protections. But definitely not when sportsball — our country’s precious jewel — is on the teevee.

But who really has time to educate themselves about our nation’s historical past as it pertains to equal rights when we are so busy browsing Facebook memes for that edgy take that triggers lib snowflakes while perfectly synthesizing every entitled sense of confirmation bias we possess? Col. Kriste Kibbey Etue and Hartland Schools bus driver Sharon Kimberly definitely don’t have time for that historical understanding of rights and how they are granted bullshit.

We The People are not cool with this.

 

And while Kimberly is just your average dime-a-dozen schmuck #MakingAmericaGreatAgain by enlightening all of us with her Facebook opinions on white pride and “n****rs”  — in between those moments when she’s carting your first grader back and forth to school, that is — Etue, a former Brighton Township resident, is on another level.  Her status as the boss lady of all state police with the full power of government prosecution at her back telling us all how grateful we should be for the rights granted to us by the Michigan State Police is pretty much the subtext of this dumb meme, to hell with what was written in the Declaration with its “endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights” claptrap.

Etue has of course apologized for “sharing” the post on Facebook — but not for her ignorant lack of even a base understanding of all citizens rights, however. Which probably isn’t that important anyway if you are head of the top law enforcement agency in the state. At any rate, free speech must truly be alive and well — and along with it freedom from responsibility to the public — because both of these brave champions of free speech only got a slap on the wrist and a forced apology, but both are still employed, driving your kids to school and deciding who to arrest.


 

About Sally Subterfuge 16 Articles
Sally Subterfuge is a low-down, surly satirist and Sandernista and one-time news reporter who leans left in the reddest county in Michigan. She is still waiting on her George Soros money. Yo, send me a Tweet: https://twitter.com/SubterfugeSally

2 Comments

  1. There remains the open question as to what the $60,000 payment from Sam Theis to Lana’s legislative aide was for. Was $60,000 worth of product or service provided ? Or was it simply a money laundering scheme with a friend, where $1000 of products is rendered and $59,000 is available to share amongst friends ? Many questions. Can probably only be answered by police, though, as the reporter was told by Sam he could not see the books of Lana’s legislative aide, Meghan Reckling.

    Much more coming on this.

    • Some people refer to Lana and Sam as Lana and Sammy Fay (role reversal, where Sam is Tammy Fay to Lana as Jim Baker).

      I think Bonnie and Clyde is better, though I don’t think they robbed trains. Just a better description of who they are as people.

      One Man’s Opinion.

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